There’s a particular kind of awkwardness that comes with being promoted above people you used to sit next to as equals. Yesterday you were peers, debating technical approaches over coffee. Today you’re their boss, responsible for their performance reviews, their career development, and potentially their continued employment. The relationship has fundamentally changed, and pretending otherwise is the worst thing you can do.

I’ve been on both sides of this, promoted above peers, and managed by someone who used to be my equal. Neither side is comfortable, and both require deliberate effort to navigate well.

The Temptation to Pretend Nothing Changed

The most common mistake new managers make in this situation is trying to maintain the old dynamic. You keep the same banter, the same casual relationship, the same “we’re all in this together” energy. It feels natural and it avoids the uncomfortable conversation about what’s different now.

But things are different, and everyone knows it. Your former peers are now watching you more carefully than before. They’re wondering whether you’ll play favourites. They’re wondering whether the things they told you in confidence as a peer will now be used against them as a manager. They’re wondering whether you’ll change.

Fournier addresses this directly: the relationship has shifted, and acknowledging that shift openly is far better than pretending it hasn’t happened. Have the conversation early. Say something like: “I know this is a change for both of us. I want to be honest about the fact that our relationship is different now, and I want to talk about how we make that work.”

Establishing Authority Without Damaging Relationships

The word “authority” makes a lot of new managers uncomfortable, especially when it’s over people they respect as equals. But authority isn’t about dominance, it’s about clarity. Your team needs to know that you’re willing to make decisions, set direction, and have difficult conversations. If they sense that you’re avoiding those things because you’re worried about the friendship, they’ll lose confidence in you as a leader.

The balance I’ve found is to be direct about expectations while being genuinely open to input. “Here’s what I think we should do, and here’s why. What am I missing?” is a very different statement from “Here’s what we’re doing.” The first invites collaboration while establishing that you’re the one setting direction. The second shuts people down.

One specific challenge: you’ll inevitably know things about your former peers that a new manager wouldn’t. You know who’s been coasting. You know who has personal issues affecting their work. You know who’s been quietly job-hunting. This knowledge is a double-edged sword. Use it to be a more empathetic manager, not to make assumptions about people based on what you knew about them in a different context.

The Resentment Problem

Not everyone will be happy about your promotion. Some of your former peers may have wanted the role themselves. Others may simply resent the change in dynamic. This is normal, and it’s not something you can fix by being extra nice or avoiding difficult topics.

Kambil’s advice on dealing with passed-over rivals is relevant here: acknowledge the loss, re-recruit them by showing you value their contribution, create development opportunities, and be honest about the path forward. If someone is genuinely unable to work under you, that’s a conversation worth having early rather than letting it fester.

The thing I’ve learned is that most resentment fades if you demonstrate competence and fairness. People can accept that someone else got the role if that person does the role well. What they can’t accept is someone who got the role and then either avoids the hard parts or plays favourites.

Practical Steps

Have the conversation early. Don’t wait for things to get awkward. Acknowledge the change, ask how they’re feeling about it, and set expectations for how you’ll work together going forward.

Set up proper one-on-ones. Even if you used to chat informally, establish a regular cadence. This signals that you’re taking the relationship seriously in its new form.

Be consistent. Apply the same standards to everyone, including your closest former peers. Nothing destroys credibility faster than perceived favouritism.

Create some distance. This doesn’t mean being cold, it means being thoughtful about boundaries. The pub conversations where you used to complain about management? You’re management now. The gossip about other teams? You need to be more careful about what you say and to whom.

Ask for feedback. Specifically ask your former peers how the transition is going from their perspective. You might not like what you hear, but you need to hear it.

The Relationship Evolves

The good news is that the awkwardness is temporary. Over time, a new dynamic emerges, one that can be just as strong as the old one, but different. Some of my best professional relationships are with people I used to manage who were once my peers. The shared history creates a foundation of mutual understanding that’s hard to build from scratch.

But it only works if you’re honest about the change from the start. Pretending nothing happened doesn’t preserve the old relationship, it just delays the reckoning and makes it messier when it finally arrives.